Fun with Conan the Grammarian

Dear Conan,

I have a job opening and I’m getting flooded with resumés. I am cringing when reading them. Apparently schools don’t teach English class anymore.

“Insure quality work”

Really? How much are the premiums?

“My objective is to procure a position with a company that I can contribute to, and learn from”

The rogue comma strikes again…

“One of my strongest skills would be great focus, determination, organization, and getting things done”

I thought it was just one…

I have more examples, but you get the idea.

RS

__________________________

Dear RS,

Thanks for the wake-up call. I especially like, in the third example, the use of “would be” rather than “is.” As if her skills might be great focus, etc., or…they might not be. Or maybe her skills would be those things if she didn’t sniff glue on the job. Or they would be x, y and z if those things were important to you, but not if they weren’t. Oh, the possibilities!

But let me get serious for a second. Like I say all the time — shrilly, repeatedly and even hysterically — it’s essential for job applicants to let a professional cast a critical eye over their resumés, especially in this employer’s market. You’ve just demonstrated, from a hiring manager’s perspective, the importance of correct grammar, spelling, usage and punctuation. Maybe they’ll listen to you, because I’ve come to suspect that all they hear when I harp on the subject is wah wah wah wah wah wah.

Your ally in correctness,

Conan